Written by Anonymous
You look at it every day. Your eyes fixated on every stretch
mark, every roll, and god forbid there’s loose skin. That post baby body you
just were NOT ready for. The body that makes you question why someone finds you
attractive, prevents you from wearing tight clothes, and may even make you
terrified of having more kids and doing further “damage”. I struggle to look
upon my body positively every day. Sometimes suffering anxiety attacks thinking
about what I’m going to wear in public that will help me look less fat. Often
followed with depression because nothing I tried on hid the rolls or smoothed
the curves enough to meet my expectations.
I’ve read the mom blogs, watched the inspirational videos,
and those women leave me in awe of their strength and their want to help other
moms not feel alone in the changes their body went through. But at the end of
it I’m still left with the same question: How can I love my post baby body the
way they love theirs? It’s taken me 4 years and a simple comment from my
four-year-old to find an answer. I don’t have to love all of my post baby body
yet. I can work on loving it one step at a time.
I know some people will tell you, “diet and exercise could
fix most of the issues you see.” Yes, exercise and dieting are great, and I try
to implement them in my life when I can, but what about the issues they can’t
fix? Exercise won’t fix the amount of extra skin or the separation of the
muscles some women are blessed with. For most women, thousands of dollars for
surgery is not an option either. You work yourself to exhaustion at the gym and
get headaches counting calories just to be discouraged when you find out
there’s only so much of “the body you knew” that you can get back. This is when
it’s important to remember you don’t have to love all of your post baby body
yet.
I gave birth to a healthy 9 pound 10-ounce baby boy (Holy
sh*t!). Naturally my body changed to be the best and safest place it could be
for my son to grow. I will forever be impressed with the way my body knew what
it needed to do. Without hesitation I would endure every stretchmark, extra
pound, and cesarean scar all over again to ensure he came out as healthy as
cold be. But there I was, almost 4 years later, still not in love with the body
I see in the mirror. * insert long, exasperated sigh here*
While organizing some cabinets in my kitchen earlier this
week my son sat down next to me and said “Mom, I like your stripes.” Puzzled I
looked down to see him pointing at the stretch marks on my left hip. Sarcastically
I replied to him “You gave those to mommy when you grew in my tummy.” He
giggled. My son giggled with Joy because in his mind my “stripes” were a gift
from him. That moment made me realize just how negatively I view myself and how
easy it would be to compliment myself more if only I changed my perspective.
Don’t get me wrong, I will probably never be fully in love
with my body. But when I look at it with the perspective my son has, I’m able
to appreciate it more and resent it less. He doesn’t compare my body to the way
it looked 5 years ago (and honestly neither does anyone else in my life). To
him, my body is just my body. Instead of focusing on the fact that my boobs are
covered in stretch marks I can now be impressed with what the girls went
through and that, even though it’s not much, they kept some of the volume from
when I was pregnant. My thighs are bigger but they’re better at catching my
phone if I drop it while I’m sitting on the toilet. I can appreciate the increased volume my
already big butt was given (I know my boyfriend does) and know that even if my
stomach sags now it’s already broken in for the next baby. I can look at my
body with an increased sense of humor and positivity, making jokes but lifting
myself up at the same time.
All joking aside I know there will be days when it’s easier
to hate on our bodies than to point out the things we love about them. Our
Bodies have gone through hell and back to produce the miracles that are our
children, yet we’ll judge ourselves. We’ll put on the sweat pants and baggy
shirt in an effort to hide from the world. Those are the days I will try. Try
to remember how much my son likes my stripes, how many times my boyfriend has
called me beautiful, and how many times I’ve felt sexy all by myself and dared
to shake my ass to a catchy song. The world already judges us harshly and
compares us to others (the same way it would have compared and judged us in our
pre-baby bodies). I think that’s earned us some self-love and acknowledgement
that, like all things, we’re a work in progress. We are working on appreciating
the incredible things our bodies are capable of and loving them even if they’re
not as toned as they once were.
I wasn’t ready for my post baby body but ready or not this
is what my body became. It will be an uphill battle that we won’t win every day.
Today I’m able to say my body is beautiful; loose skin, extra weight and all. Tomorrow
I’ll work on finding one more thing to love about it even if I find ten things
I don’t. It’s one of those day by day, step by step, easier said than done kind
of things. And I hope by reading this you’re one step
closer to loving your body too, even if it’s only a stretchmark at a time.
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