For The Girl Who has been hated...

If you’ve attended high school, lived past 15 years old, or had any kind of relationship with anyone, you can probably relate. 

 

I think we’ve all been there at one point or another. Someone had something shitty to say about you, spread a rumor, and suddenly you’ve got a whole gang of people who think things about you that are not only likely untrue, but also hurtful and offensive.  

 

I’d like to tell you that we can avoid this problem by being the best version of ourselves that we can be, but honestly, I don’t believe that. In my experience, we can try as hard as possible, keep our heads up, be completely honest, and inevitably we will still end up in experiences where the finger is pointing at us. These situations feel more hopeless than I care to even relay to you. When you’ve been made to be the bad guy in a position where you’re only trying to protect yourself, or maybe you thought you were doing the best you could and somehow, you’re still blamed for the downfall of others.  

 

I've spent the better portion of my 26 years trying to be the one to make other people happy, and seldom has it gotten me to a place of contentment. More often than not, when you spend so much time trying to change yourself to fit the mold of others, they expect the change to be greater: bigger, broader, more consuming. Not only can you lose yourself in this process, but it hardly gets you to where you think you want to be. I’ve found that the more that people want me to change to suit their needs, the more they are lacking within themselves.  

 

Because I’ve made a career of being whoever people want me to be, this leaves a lot of room for error when it comes to my true personality. For many years, every person I interacted with saw a different version of myself, and that caused serious misconceptions about who I am as an individual. Not just in other people’s eyes, but in my own. In turn, I find myself getting called fake. Shady. Liar. I guess if you were to look at the situation objectively, I could see how all these things are true. My intentions were pure, but my actions couldn’t have possibly reflected that.

 

I have been hated for this. I have been exiled from friend groups. I have been drug through the mud, pushed in front of a car (literally), and persecuted. I won’t try and excuse it; there was a huge lack of honesty. But there was never malice.  

 

This is a very small example in the grand scheme of things. There have been many more reasons I have been hated. Some of them justified, some of them not. But here’s where we are today: 

 

Hate me if you will. It no longer affects me. 

 

I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I am no longer willing to change myself for the benefit of others. I’m unwilling to be the person you think you need of me. I have enough to offer as who I am today, and if that’s not enough for you, that’s fine. I’m not in the business of wearing different hats anymore. That life is over. 

 

Self-awareness and respect have led me here. I meet every situation with as much sincerity as possible, and I know I am an honest individual with pure intentions. You don’t have to believe that; I’m unconcerned. I will never intentionally hurt, but I certainly won’t beg you to believe me. And if you still want to hate me, you’re welcome to it.